Owala Thefts

As I write this tired and generic opening, I can’t help but lovingly gaze at the water bottle beside me. Ever faithful, everlasting and always by my side. At least, I hope it will always be by my side, but with several reports of water bottle—specifically Owala—thefts throughout the year, I find myself clutching my bottle tighter with every passing day.

Rumors of thefts began to circulate sometime around November of 2025, and as 4 water bottles have now been supposedly stolen, this campus gossip has grown significant enough to warrant an email from the Commissioners of Protection (COPs). The COPs characterized these goings-on as “ongoing incidents of theft” and emphasized that “theft is completely unacceptable” and not in alignment with Springs’ moral code. They ended their email with a warning that “further measures will be taken” should these thefts continue.

Ada Slaughter ‘26, a victim of these thefts, informed us that 4 Owalas have been stolen so far and that these bottles are usually taken out of people’s bags, and Ada felt that this information highlighted these thefts as a “deliberate” act. She, like a few others the post has spoken with, feels that Owalas are being targeted because they are the “trendy” water bottle of the moment, and later in the interview she suggested that these alleged thefts could be an attempt to “start an Owala collection for free.”

Of course, many cynics still maintain that these supposed victims of the ever-elusive Owala Thief are simply forgetting their water bottles somewhere and trying to shift responsibility away from themselves. One skeptic finds it “far more likely that people are forgetting their things” and are creating a “preposterous boogieman” to “absolve themselves of blame.”

Whether due to theft or a wave of student forgetfulness, the facts remain that Owalas are disappearing without a trace. One can only hope that these disappearances stop so that the “further measures” mentioned by the COPs need not be put into effect.